I Will Undoubtably Be In Trouble For This

Michael and I were discussing future plans, and Michael made a sage comment about saving vacation time. The following damning conversation resulted:

Emeric: That makes sense to me .

Michael: Good. I have mastered logic. Now onto women.

Emeric: Ha! Then you'll have to forget everything you learned about logic.

I only speak the truth.

We Know Kung Fu

Coming out of The Forbidden Kingdom (a Kung Fu movie):

Emeric: Well, if there's anything I've learned from martial arts movies, its that any problem can be solved with Kung Fu.

Kieran: Your Drunken Panda style is no match for my Steel Tiger style.

Emeric: Yeah, that's why I learned the Two-Guns style.

Kieran: That still can't stand up to my "I Took Your Bullets" style.

Emeric: Damnit, I hate that style!

It's Funny And Sad At The Same Time, Because It's True

Over the same round of drinks that spawned our earlier conversation, the following was also heard:

Emeric: I'm on edge. It's partially some things that are going on, but most of it is that I feel like I'm in a state of flux, and I've got no idea where it's all going to end up.

Kieran: Could that be because you're in a state of flux and there's no way to know where it's all going to end up?

Emeric: Yeah. That's probably it.

Graduation is an odd time.

Legends Are Born Of Great Adventures

While at Old Chicago, enjoying a drink or two, the following conversations took place:

Kieran: Do you think it'd be too much to include in my will that, when I die, I want my coffin filled with melted mozzarella?

Emeric: See, the thing about that is ... [Long Pause] Yeaaaaah.

Not too much longer:

Emeric: She knows me well. She was commenting that I would be lounging around the apartment wearing a suit with a glass of port, discussing philosophy.

Kieran: The only thing is that's wrong with that is that you would probably be talking about history.

Emeric: Yeah, but I didn't feel the need to correct her.

Kieran: Yeah, it's probably best to hide your pretensiosity. I don't know if pretensiosity is a word, but it really should be.

When we control the world, it will be!

Fish in a Barrel

"Like shooting fish in a barrel." It's a common phrase used to express utter lack of a challenge in doing something that is probably unsportsmanlike. But as a metaphor, it seems like a rather strange one. I've never heard of anyone shooting fish in a barrel nor can I imagine a purpose in it. That being said, the scientist in me is extremely tempted to conduct an experiment to determine the result of such an undertaking so as to determine both (a) the ease with which it is accomplished and (b) the result and, hopefully, hence any reason for doing so. That being said, if you see me with a barrel, a net, and a gun, please stop me.

Astrology Gets it Right

I picked up a copy of The Onion the other day. I was so amused by my horoscope I had to call Emeric, who, having the same horoscope, had just read the same passage to his dinner party. Here it is:

Cancer: It's not so much your drinking that will drive loved ones away, but your tendency to operate chainsaws, nail-guns, and other industrial power tools while intoxicated.

While never having done that, it somehow captures a piece of the Dwyer spirit.

When you get the chance, pick up a copy of The Onion or read it online. The horoscopes are always funny, if only in a slightly inappropriate way.

Cookies

me: there was a make up class this morning

so I had to be here early

Emeric: I thought you left early

that sucksme: yep

Emeric: Well, I'll be here. Slowly plotting against you.

me: I figured

that's why I hid cookies around the apartment

Emeric: Oooh! Cookies!

me: Kieran returns to the apartment. The place is in shambles; ransacked. Emeric is standing there in his bathrobe, dirt from unpotted plants smeared over him

Emeric says quietly "There were no cookies"

Emeric: Oh, it's so much more frightening because it's true

It's What You Learned In Elementary School

While playing several games of Catan this evening, Kelly would keep rolling the dice and then announcing the results. The problem is, her results were often off by one. Six instead of seven, five instead of six, etc. etc. After multiple errors, Pat uttered the following:

Patrick: Honey, I love you, but you add like a retarted lemur.

That's evocative.

Kieran and I discovered the text-to-voice functions on our computers recently. Silliness resulted, most notably:

Kieran's Computer: Ooh, yeah! That's how I like it! Push my buttons!

This is probably the highlight of the experience. But right now, Kieran's computer is singing "Baby Got Back" and mine is doing the soliloquy from Hamlet.

A Failure In Advertising

While going through the Saturday mail, I'm often forced to sift through great piles of junk seeking out a few letters that are worth reading. The following occurred:

Emeric: [Pausing over an advertisement] Huh ... L.A. Fitness.

Because that's going to happen.

Happy Songs

Emeric(singing Radiohead's Creep as he cleans): Cause I'm aaa Creep!

Kieran(shouting from his room): Yeah you are!

Emeric(still singing but changing the lyrics) : And you're aaa weirdo!

Kieran(still shouting from his room): Yeah I am!