Statements of a New Year

On preparing for New Year's Eve by having lunch in Kieran's Pub:

Emeric: One of the reasons I go to the Opera is for the attractive women.

Michael:[In a call back to Kieran's most famous burn] Are you sure? Or have you forgotten what a woman looks like?

Emeric: Mike, there are plenty of women that go to the opera.

Kieran: This is true Mike, he hasn't forgotten what they look like. He's just forgotten what a young, slender woman looks like.

BURN!

On the morning after a rockin' New Year's Eve party:

Emeric: And, as I recall, it was a pretty good party.

Mike: Yep!

Kieran: Except for when, at the end, you started passing out all your bank account information.

Emeric: The fools! It only has $3.12 in there! I spent the rest on food and drink!

[Pause as Emeric looks behind him at the tattered remains of the food and drink from the party.]

Emeric: The hooch! We've gotta protect the hooch! It's the last investment I have left!

And shortly thereafter.

Emeric: Well boys, I'd appreciate some help cleaning up.

Kieran: [Angrily] And I'd appreciate it if you'd proof read your e-mails!

Emeric: He's still beligerent! The alcohol is still in your system.

Kieran: [More calmly] No, I'll hlep you clean up. With a baseball bat!

Michael: Not every problem can be solved with a baseball bat!

Kieran: [Angrily] Mike, are you causing problems!?